How to Write an AMAZING On-Line Dating Profile

Image via WANA Commons contributor Frank Selmo (professional photographer)

Image via WANA Commons contributor Frank Selmo (professional photographer)

By. Kristen Lamb

We’ve talked about reasons to give on-line dating a try and we also chatted about ways to spot predators, so today? We take the plunge and talk PROFILES. How do we write a profile guaranteed to pique interest?

Tip #1—Be Brief

It’s a profile, not an essay contest. Just because the dating site gives you 3,000 words to describe yourself, doesn’t mean you should use them ALL. Remember, most people who’ve decided to look for a mate on-line are doing so because life is busy. Why make dating just more work? Profiles that are super-long and dense frequently just get skipped.

Females tend to break this rule more than men, namely because most of us gals never met a word we didn’t LOVE. But, here’s the deal. A guy is probably more interested in your pictures anyway, simply because men are wired to be more visually oriented. So ladies? Focus on posting good pictures instead of writing an on-line memoir.

If your profile just reminds him of that college lit class he barely passed? He’ll move on. Don’t tell every last detail about you, your life, wants, and dreams or what will you guys have to talk about on an actual date?

A little mystery goes a long way.

Tip #2—Be Positive

It’s a profile, not therapy. Most of us have been lied to, stomped on, cheated, or in some way used or abused. Unless you’ve been living in a cave and never been on a date, you’ve probably been hurt. We get it. It’s fine to get back on the horse when you’re thrown, but keep those emotions out of the profile. Don’t request the obvious, or it becomes obvious you aren’t in a good place to be dating.

I want a man who is faithful and honest and who I can trust to tell the truth.

Looking for a woman who appreciates a man who pays attention to her.

Yeah *backs away slowly*.

Here’s the deal. When we are looking for a mate, we ALL want those things. Those qualities are a given. This is akin to writing:

Looking to date a woman with only ONE head, please.

And those reading are like, “Where the hell has this dude been finding dates? The circus?”

We all want someone who is honest and faithful and who appreciates attention. When you call attention to those obvious areas, this is a huge red flag that you are hurting and can make others skittish to approach. And thing is, you might not be hurting but those key phrases can make you seem emotionally damaged.

Instead, try phrases like:

Looking for a woman who loves to laugh. Few things are sexier than a woman who smiles all the time.

Looking for a man who loves to play. I love Renaissance festivals and want a man who can be trusted with a sword.

Tip #4—Be Interesting

Everyone likes a walk on the beach. Everyone likes vacationing in the islands. Everyone likes fine dining. Problem is? This isn’t real life. It’s also B-O-R-I-N-G. Most profiles are full of this fluff, so people either move on or default to the best-looking photos.

A better approach is to list qualities that have more to do with everyday life. Remember, if you’re looking for a mate, 50 weeks of the year won’t be while on vacation.

I love walking on the beach while holding hands.


I love bad horror movies and dorky comedies. In fact, I am guaranteed to quote every Monty Python movie. Consider yourself warned.

Unless you happen to live on the coast, one image is a vacation activity. But the other? This is day-to-day dating. If you love to randomly shout out, “NOoooooooone expects the Spanish Inquisition!” then you want someone who not only gets you but who also appreciates you.

Tip #5—Be Less Interesting and More Interested

No one likes a braggart, so writing profiles can be tricky. Yes, we want to talk about ourselves, but we have to also watch that we aren’t writing a monument to our own awesomeness. Keeping profile answers shorter can help. Also, make it about the other person you have yet to meet. Try to use “we” and “our” where appropriate.

I’m an avid mountain climber and I’ve climbed most of the mountains in the world. Currently, I’m training to summit Kilimanjaro next year.

See how there is a lot of I, I, I? Where is the room for someone else? This guy’s going to get a cramp from patting himself on the back.

Instead, try:

I’m and avid mountain climber and my ideal match would love to embrace the sport with me. I could even see us training to summit Kilimanjaro together.

When you reach beyond being interesting to being interested, you paint a picture where the potential mate can see herself…next to you.

Tip #7—Be Truthful

If you aren’t single, don’t lie. If you’re overweight, don’t say you’re thin. Don’t post overly doctored or old photos. Your age is your age. Eventually, you’ll have to meet a potential partner in person and it just ticks people off to be lied to.

Um, DUH.

Are you overweight? Believe it or not, there are people out there who love fluffy people. There are men who don’t mind big women, and women who don’t mind guys with meat. For years I was overly conscious of my big thighs, only to find out later that a lot of men loved the very thing I was trying to hide. Thing is, we don’t know, and we need to give people a little credit.

Yes, post the best picture you can. Pictures are important. You can even doctor your pictures a little bit. If you don’t have PhotoShoppe, I recommend Pic Monkey. It’s free and easy to use. We all have that one picture that’s awesome but the light was terrible, or the background was cluttered, or the angle gave us a turkey neck we really don’t have. Feel free to touch it up and put your best forward. Pic Monkey can help. Just be mindful that touching-up and completely-and-utterly-altering are two different things.


Kristen Lamb is the author of the #1 best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer. Feel free to follow her weekday blog or find her on Facebook and Twitter. Kristen is the C.E.O. of WANA International and the founder of the social site for creatives, WANATribe.

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